Why Make New Friends, Just Buy Them Online

I've led a particularly nomadic lifestyle, having moved to five different states in as many years, whilst searching for work. As a child of the military, moving away from friends, or having them move away was just the norm for me. It's all I know. And making friends is difficult. Especially as an adult because I generally like to not go places, preferring stay in my living room and watch Star Trek on Netflix. And there's not a lot of foot traffic in my living room. Like... none. It's pretty much just me when I have to go take the pizza out of the oven. So it was cool to see this post on the local Swap Shop Facebook page:

Why go through all the trouble of trying to make friends when I could just buy someone elses' friend when they're done using said friend? I think I even have some Pokemon cards I could give the guy. Long story short, my sister and I found a whole container full of them among our things that were in our dad's storage unit when we were clearing them out. Neither of us played Pokemon ever. And just to prove that I'm not lying to hide an embarrassing thing from my past, I will admit to playing Magic: The Gathering. So yeah... we don't know where these mystery Pokemons came from. We think he got them for one of us as a gift because "It's what kids like, right?" but then found out neither of us cared about Pokemon so he hid them. But it's a lot of them, and late 90s/early '00s era Pokemon, so they're probably good cards. I assume. I don't know.

I'm glad he comes with a cage, because I don't need him running around the apartment, chewing up my record collection. Unfortunately the post is no longer up. So I don't know if the friend has already been sold or what. To be honest, I was just looking for a way to get rid of the Pokemon cards. I was probably going to take the friend to a shelter. I don't think my landlord allows friends without an extra deposit, which is probably non-refundable.

And now I'm back where I was. Watching Star Trek. With no one to sing the Friends theme with.