The new NFL football season is almost here so it's time to buckle down and make my official, largely uneducated guesses about what teams are going to make the playoffs and Super... eh, that BIG GAME at the end of the year. Thank you NFL for trademarking the name of that game so we have to sound like idiots and not call it by it's actual name. Brilliant marketing plan. I guess you can do that when you don't need to market something.

Nick Laham, Getty Images
Nick Laham, Getty Images

In my baseball picks blog this year I picked my Royals to get a wild card spot in the playoffs. That doesn't look like it's going to happen so in order to save my football team from my curse, I'm not going to pick my Chiefs. They can consider it a favor. I also don't think they are going to be good enough. 'My team' has one proven wide receiver, a largely unproven new quarterback and a really good punter. When you can start punting your way into the post season I'll pick them. Chiefs... feel free to prove me wrong.

So here are my playoff and BIG GAME predictions for 2013...

AFC East Champion... New England Patriots. Boring pick is boring but the other 3 teams in the division might win 8 games between them. The Patriots have lost some talent from last year. So what. They still have Tom Brady.

AFC North Champion... Pittsburgh Steelers. Another boring pick in my opinion because the Steelers bore me but the Ravens (the current BIG GAME champions) lost a ton of players from last years team so I'm giving the edge to the team that's too dumb to put logo's on both sides of their helmets.

AFC South Champion... Houston Texans. The Colts may challenge them for it but the Texans are due NOW and they're good. They'll take this division.

AFC West Champion... Denver Broncos. I hate them. They're also really good and more consistent than any other team in this division from year to year. I also think Peyton Manning is funny in his tv commercials and he better get another chance at a BIG GAME ring before his neck breaks for good. I think he'll get that chance.

AFC Wild Cards teams... Indianapolis Colts and Cincinnati Bengals. That's right... I don't have the reigning BIG GAME champions making the playoffs this season.


NFC East Champion... New York Giants. This is a tough division to pick. I'll put it this way... quarterback Robert Griffen III will likely get hurt again for the Redskins (just a feeling), The Eagles and their fancy new coach and offense will be a bust in the NFL (just a feeling) and the Cowboys... oh please. Do I even need to give an explaination why the most over-rated team in professional sports will fail again? Their mediocre $55 million quarterback, Tony Romo? Their in-over-his-head coach? Their narcissistic owner? Pick one. I'll go with all of the above.

NFC North Champion... Green Bay Packers. They're the class of the division, period. Aaron Rodgers will discount double check his way right past an improving Lions team and a Bears team saddled with Jay Cutler (Tony Romo Jr.) at quarterback. The Vikings have a bad quarterback and a worse backup quarterback but if Adrian Peterson can rush for 25,000 yards they could win some games and have an outside shot. Who am I kidding, no they don't.

NFC South champion... New Orleans Saints. I might be going out on a small limb here but I think the return of Head Coach Sean Payton is going to make all the difference in the world. The Falcons are the incumbent but I think Matt Ryan is a little over-rated.

NFC West Champion... Seattle Seahawks. Another smallish limb here probably but I don't like Colin Kaepernick, the 49ers quarterback because he seems like a punk to me and I do like Seahawks QB Russell Wilson. I also like a little neon green on uniforms every now and then. Go Seahawks.

NFC Wild Card teams... San Francisco 49ers and Atlanta Falcons


The BIG GAME will be the Denver Broncos vs. The Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks will win a close one because Peyton Manning will throw a late interception in the snow storm that will come close to ruining the whole game because a bunch of jerks think having the BIG GAME in an outdoor stadium is a good idea. (But it's a cold weather sport!) Spare me. Seahawks by 2 on a late field goal following the Manning-ception.

There you go. Now you don't have to bother watching football season. You can get some things accomplished on Sundays this fall and winter and thank me later. :)

Think you can pick better than me? You're probably right. So go here and sign up for our $10,000 Pro Football Pick'em Challenge and prove it. There's cash in it for you... and I can't even win that. See? You always have to be better than me.


Enjoy the games.



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