Just Give Him An Answer Already, Schlipman

Sales Rep Reagan was driving around town today, as is part of her job (probably... I don't know, I'm not her supervisor), when she spied this advertising oddity.

"Schlipman Marry Me." Covering the Chick's on the River (voted Best Burger in the Tri-States) billboard as you're heading Eastbound and down Broadway. I mean... points for trying, but you didn't try hard. You didn't try romantic enough. Grand romantic gestures should be a little grander.

First of all, Schlipman who? A quick facebook search gives me about 12 Schlipmans living in the Quincy area, two of whom have details precluding them from this, probably. What if there are multiple Schlipmans in serious relationships right now? How are they supposed to know who that's for? What if Schlipman A reads that, but it's meant for Schlipman B? Now A's boyfriend has to figure what the hell is going on. A first name would be helpful. I mean... you're already plastering their last name where everyone can see it, would it kill you to include at least an initial?

And no question mark, like you're commanding her to marry you. Like it's a statement of fact. And what about the ring or whatever? I suppose you could have been driving and then done the whole "Hey what's that over there?!" and while she's looking at the sign, you whip out a ring so it's there waiting for when she looks back and then she squeals in delight and says yes and you guys live happily ever after. That is entirely within the realm of possibility. That's actually pretty romantic and I hope you did that. But were I betting man, I wouldn't put money on it.

You probably put it up and said, "Well... my job's done. She'll call me when she's off work." But then she took another route because she had to make a stop somewhere and hasn't seen it yet. Come on kid, you've gotta be playing chess on this. Think a couple moves ahead.

Not to mention I've seen prom-posals better than this. It looks like you still had some shoe polish left after you made the "I Assure You We're Open" sign after a bunch of kids jammed gum in your locks on the shutters of the Quick Stop. Ben thinks that's masking tape, I think it looks like medical tape. Or maybe white duct-tape. All I'm saying is this is the person you're going to marry, you're going to spend the rest of your life with. If you're gonna go grand, go grand. If you want to keep it simple, keep it simple. There's nothing wrong either way. Just don't go ALMOST there. It's an A-For-Effort, but it could have used just a bit more to put it over the top.

I make fun, but really, I do hope whoever put this up has a happy ending. That something good comes of it. I extend an invite to come on the show for a follow up. E-mail me at brodie@979kickfm.com.

I also want to point out that it's dangerous and technically illegal to to do this, so as an allegedly responsible person, I discourage this sort of behavior.

Actually... now that I think about it... The fact that whoever put this up risked the danger and potential legal troubles is pretty romantic. And keeping the first name out of it provides plausible deniability. Any evidence against anyone is circumstantial at best. This is actually pretty clever and from the heart. I apologize for making fun. You were playing chess. Hell... you were playing Star Trek 3D Chess. Bravo to you. Seriously... I hope there's a yes on that.