My whole childhood it was "Trick or Treating." You run around the neighborhood in costume carrying a pillowcase and demand candy of the locals. Usually threatening to force them to smell your feet, or worse, depending which version of the rhyme you knew.

Trick or treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat
If you don't
I don't care
I'll pull down your underwear!

I believe that's one of Shakespeare's sonnets. But somewhere in between the time I stopped actually trick-or-treating and the time I turned 29 when I first heard of the new concept, it morphed into an unholy abomination called "Trunk Or Treat." Where adults gather around a parking lot or town square in the middle of the day, and let their kids just assembly line their way through getting bite size versions of Snickers bars and small packets of Skittles. Just move it on down the line. No running around. No mischief. No shenanigans. No ne'er-do-welling. Absolutely no fun.

I don't want to sound like the cranky old guy spouting off about the good old days, because believe me, we've already got Michael Rose and The Big Dog Jeff Dorsey in the office filling that role quite nicely. But what happened to the good old days of waiting till dark (which is pretty early in late October), running up and down driveways, ringing doorbells, and putting in some actual work for the candy?

And this isn't the kids' fault by any stretch of the imagination. It's the parents' fault. No seven year old is holding a conference of his or her fellow trick-or-treaters and coming to the conclusion that "You know what would make this MORE fun? If it was in broad daylight and out of cars lined up in a church parking lot!" No!

The parents are doing this because they think it's safer. Safer than what? The whole razor blade in apples, drugs in chocolates things are myths. Never happened. OK it happened once almost 20 years ago, but in the near 60 years this has been a panic, that's the lone documented case of an actual stranger intending to cause harm by way of Halloween candy. That's it. One case in one city one year is what we call statistically insignificant. An anomaly. Barely even anecdotal.

Or maybe they think its easier. Well stop ruining centuries, literal centuries, worth of tradition in an attempt to be a lazy parent. Just because you don't want to put in the effort doesn't mean you can cheat your kids out of fun. DVR whatever reality competition results show you're missing and catch up when the kids go to bed.

I suppose there's nothing inherently wrong with Trunk-or-treating. It's just bland, boring and safe. It's saltine crackers and a glass of water. It's a boiled potato and baked chicken with no seasoning. Where's the excitement? Where's the fun? Let the kids trick or treat!

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