If someone says to you “go turn the air up”, do you know the proper course of action to take? Because apparently, it’s a way more complicated request than I ever could have imagined.

Over the weekend, my wife was hosting a friend’s baby shower in our basement and she texted me to “please turn the air up”. Being the good husband I am, I happily obliged. I went to the thermostat, then set at a comfortable 72 degrees, and pushed the down arrow three times intending, of course, to lower the house temperature three degrees to 69.

This was wrong.

As she later clarified, “turn the air up” means to make the number on the thermostat greater, hence turning it “up”.

I respectfully disagree. “Turn the air up” implies that the velocity of cold air coming out of the air conditioning vent is insufficient and must be increased. To do so, one must LOWER the number on the thermostat so that the unit kicks on.

I pitched the question to my esteemed co-workers this morning, and six hours later we are more confused than ever, we all hate each other, and everything is terrible.

So as we do so often, we leave it to you, the readers, to steer us onto the right path and end this controversy once and for all (don’t blow it).

Someone says “turn the air up”. What do you do?

Option 1) Increase the number on the thermostat so that the air stops blowing and the room temperature goes up to until the new desired HIGHER temperature is met (i.e. “it is too cold in here so please turn the number on the thermostat up”).

OR!

Option 2) Decrease the number on the thermostat so that the cold airflow INCREASES, thus cooling off the room to match the new desired LOWER temperature (e.g. “it is too hot in here so please turn the number on the thermostat down”).