I recently attended a Hoots/Gems game at Clemens Field from one of the luxury boxes (thanks KICK-FM night). If you ever have the opportunity, I highly recommend it. On my way back from the concession stand, I spotted a baseball mostly buried out near the stone wall barrier on the first base side of the field. You’d think that a baseball halfway submerged in rainwater and encased in loose Earth would just as well be left untouched. Yet the full-grown idiot ballhawk I am, I sure enough ventured into the muddy brush, washed off the ball, and took it with me. Side note, I am part Golden Retriever. I see ball. I take ball. Ball good. Woof.

Anyway…looks like a couple teams had turned this inked up ball into their own personal carrier pigeon. On one side panel was a tic-tac-toe game in which Team ‘X’ CLEARLY cheated. Seriously? Six X’s to three O’s? Someone should be in prison. This is a society with rules!

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On the opposite side panel was the question that has ESPN salivating right now: Where is LeBron going? Now, I hadn’t given this much thought until about halfway through that previous sentence. Give me a second to poll my insider sources…

Google: “Lebron James’ team is Cleveland Cavaliers.”
Alexa: “I don’t understand the question.”
Magic 8 Ball: “My sources say no.”

There you have it. Definitely Lakers.

Anyway, let’s see what the Hoots ball has to say.

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If that’s too hard to make out, let me transpose it for you…

Player 1: “Where is LeBron going?”
Player 2: “My mom’s house.”
Player 3: “Been there.”
Player 4: “GOAT retire.”

First of all, solid burn, player 2. Second of all, I’m not sure if player 4 is saying that LeBron is the greatest of all time and that he’ll retire or that player 3’s response was the greatest of all time and “retire” felt like a one-upped “mic drop”. Don’t know. Tone and intent are very hard to decipher on conversations via inscribed baseballs.

Anyway, thanks for the souvenir and the laugh, Hoots (presumably) and mystery team. I shall treasure both forever.