Live Like You Were Dying
"Live Like You Were Dying" is one of Tim McGraw's biggest hits. Still to this day, we get requests for that song. The song takes on a whole new meaning when you go through the experience of knowing you really are dying. Or at least having the doubt that you have a terminal illness. Recently, I lived that experience myself.
I don't generally like to write about issues that are this personal, because frankly if we're doing our job right (believe it or not, it could happen someday), KICK-FM is supposed to be about you and your music...not us. But over the past few weeks, I've had an experience that is like none other that I've ever experienced and I really don't ever want to have to live through it again. Perhaps there's something in my experience that either you can identify with or maybe it'll help you cope if/when you walk this road yourself.
It started a couple months ago when I noticed that one of my feet was numb. I also noticed that my already bad vision was getting worse...fast. Then the headaches started. Combine that with a general lack of energy and I began to have realistic concerns that something was very wrong. One thing that did not help my thinking was another enemy: The Internet.
I remember the good ole days when you had to actually go to a doctor to find out what was wrong with you. Now, you can simply "Google" your symptoms and self-diagnose yourself. Great idea. Let's allow the man who can barely remember his own name (that would be me) to diagnose what disease or condition he has. No, I'm not a real doctor, but I did stay at a Holliday Inn Express last night. (*sarcasm*)
After doing an internet search for my symptoms, I came up with the following possible scenarios. I either had developed diabetes or had a brain tumor. Or I was pregnant. Even my 2nd grade education was able to rule that option out. I went ahead and made the doctor appointment. Then, was ordered to go to the clinic so they could get blood samples, etc. After that, I did what everyone else in this situation does. I waited.
During that two week period, I came face to face with my worst fears. What if I had a terminal illness? What if I was dying? Or even worse, what if I were actually pregnant. Trust me when I tell you that you might think you know how you'd react in a situation like this. You don't unless you've lived it. You come to a reckoning with what you'll do to prepare your family...how you'll cope with the pain of the disease itself (if you have it) and finally (and to me most importantly) your relationship with God.
When all was said and done, all my tests were negative. I think the doctor has decided that it's just my red hair doing weird things with my brain. (likely) But, walking the road of facing potential life-threatening illness for two weeks will change you. It's like the song says..."Live Like You Were Dying"...because eventually you will be right. Or pregnant.