Sam shared a petition that's going around the internets about officially moving Halloween from October 31st to the last Saturday in October. And while I don't entirely see a problem with that, I don't entirely see a problem with it being on the 31st either. Granted she's speaking from a particular viewpoint I don't share, that of a parent. So we're approaching it from different angles.

But I do see this as opening up the conversation to a larger issue, one that can be easily fixed. I'm talking of course about the absolute mess that is the Gregorian Calendar, named for legendary actor/dancer Gregory Hines. Or Pope Gregory XIII. Jury's still out on who it's named after. And as much as I like Gregory Hines, because how great was he with Baryshnikov in White Nights, the Gregorian Calendar makes no sense. At all.

Some months have 31 days, some have 30. February has 28, but every fourth year, it's 29. What the hell, Gregory Hines? Sometimes the 5th of the month is on a Tuesday. Sometimes it's on a Friday. If you get paid on the 15th and the last like I do, don't even get me started on the occasionally exceptionally long periods between pay days, especially if the 15th ends up falling on a Monday holiday during a 31 day month. That puts you at almost 20 days between paychecks.

But like I said, there's an easy fix for this. That fix? The International Fixed Calendar, or "International Fixed Calendar" for short, is fixes the wildly erratic and inconsistent Gregorian Calendar so every month is a uniform 28 days. "What happens to all those extra days from months with 30 and 31 days?" Glad you asked! We get a 13th month! Referred to as "Sol." Every month starts on a Sunday, ends on Saturday

Every week still has 7 days. Every month starts on a Sunday. So my personal favorite aspect is 13 months, each of them with a Friday the 13th. Every year, every month, no matter what, the first of the month will be on a Sunday, the 13th on a Friday, the 24th on a Tuesday.

"WAIT! I just did the math. 13x28=364. There are 365 days in a year. Your new calendar falls apart! Riddle me that, Bill Nye The Science Guy!" Hold on. You're gonna like this. You know how every leap year we get a magical extra day. This 365th day is just a permanent extra day called "Year Day" in between the final Saturday of December and the first Sunday of January. THREE DAY WEEKEND!

"Hey, now that you mention Leap Years, what about it? What happens to that extra day? Bet your fancy pants "International Fixed Calendar" didn't think of that!" Oh but you're wrong. So, so wrong. It's still there, as just an extra day. It doesn't take up any of the normal days. So it doesn't take a Friday and shift everything all around. It's called "Leap Day" and functions as a 3rd weekend day in between the final Saturday of June and the first Sunday of Sol. So we get a second three day weekend every fourth year.

Now, I realize this will take some adjusting to. The uniformity of it, the additional month, the fact that our birthdays and anniversaries will shift on the calendar. But we humans are adaptable. It's quite simple. I was born October 29th, the 302nd day of the year. Slide that over to the International Fixed Calendar, and my birthday is now October 22nd. The way I write the date changed, but not the actual annual marking of the day. So my birthday just slightly changes No biggie. There are a few other disadvantages Wikipedia points out, but we can figure out work-arounds.

And I think, if we're already going to change the calendar... let's go ahead and officially change the names of the months, like I've talked about previously. October becomes Halloweenuary. December becomes Yule or Yuletide. Actually here's what I've come up with so far:

January - Hibernal (for the alternate name for the Winter Solstice)
February -
March - Vernal (for the proper name for the Spring Equinox)
April -
May -
June - Estival (for the alternate name for the Summer Solstice)
13th Month - Sol
July - Excelsior
August -
September - Autumnal (for the proper name for the Fall Equinox)
October - Halloweenuary
November - Thankstember
December - Yule/Yuletide

If we're gonna start tweaking the calendar, why not go nuclear and redraft it from the ground on up?